Part Two: Letter to Bio- Mother From: Step Mother
First of all thank you to all who read, commented, shared, like and messaged me about my last blog post Part One. There are so many different situations life puts us in it was nice to hear the variety of stories and life events. So THANK YOU for sharing yours with me.
After reading other step parents responses to my blog it’s a general consensus that we as step-parents do not feel adequate and we feel less of a parent. None of us ever feel like we are enough. We do not know the correct boundaries, no one wrote us a book on the proper way to be a step parent.
I did another poll on Facebook my question this time was “If you could say one thing to your child’s bio mom or dad what would it be?”
Here where some of the responses:
*Don’t talk to the children about adult issues.. it causes them stress and anxiety.
*Don’t bad mouth the other parent.
* Why have you not been hit by a bus?
*Don't bad month my children. (Speaking about step parents own kids)
* Treat kids equally.
* Let me be involved.
* Communicate on how to discipline and communicate.
The comments are still rolling in as I type this. I decided a different approach then I was going to and wrote my own letter to my step daughters bio mom:
Dear Martha (bio-Mother) to my step- daughters,
Where do I start that’s always the hard part right! I guess first I want to tell you the daughters you brought into this world are kind, beautiful and intelligent. They are equally both you and Paul in every way and I LOVE THEM whole heartily.
I know when your birthed them you never imagined having to share these two little ladies with another woman in their life. Life looks totally different now then you ever imagined it would. I am not here in their life to replace you. I do feel they do benefit from me being in their life though. They have two women to watch out for them and guide them in the right direction to grow.
We might not always agree on what is right and wrong for them but surely working together instead of opposing each other in every way will show the girls how women can work together despite their differences. I don’t want to be your friend currently that does not change the fact that we could still work together.
Your girls are already amazing humans despite the ups and downs of parenting. No one in life is perfect I am not nor are you. I do ask this of you though. Please don’t expect me to be perfect. Do know as all parents do I will have parenting fails not just with my boys but with your girls and my step daughters as well. Life is a learning process no one person can be expected to be the perfect parent or person all the time.
Martha my husband Paul your ex husband is a wonderful man. Half of your girls are him. Every time you bad mouth him in front of the girls it hurts them as well. They are children not adults, they should never know mom and dad are fighting. Yes, I realize things slip sometimes. They come out of our months before we realize it. For the most part though it can be contained and not a discussion between mother and daughter about everything they do or don’t like about dads house. When you over quiz them when they come back to your house about everything they did at dads house it’s stressful.. they want to tell you all the negative because they think that’s what you want to hear. When they tell you positive things that they did or happened you get upset and mad. This makes them think you only want to hear about the bad. A simple “How was your day?” Would be much more effective instead of wanting to know every detail of every second they where away.
Calling or texting my husband 50+ times a day is a bit much. When he has the girls he can not truly enjoy their company because mom is calling constantly and interrupting his and their time with Their dad. A call after school and before bed is more then enough. If they need you or want to hear your voice more they will call you they have phones as well.
Please stop making the girls feel guilty about wanting to go to dads house or about possibly liking me their step mom! Would you like it if their dad did that to you? Keep life positive don’t dwell on
the past stuff. The girls love you, they love Paul and me as well. The more love the better. Interfering with love hurts everyone especially the girls.
Take this letter and think of it in a positive light. It took everything I have to write it positively it’s so easy to turn things negative quickly. This letter does not mean I want to sit down to coffee and talk this just means let’s work together instead of fighting each other to raise these special ladies.
Sincerely,
Tyger-Lynn Stone (step mom)
Stay tuned for my next blog post about my current favorite things in life.. lots of beauty favorites!
After reading other step parents responses to my blog it’s a general consensus that we as step-parents do not feel adequate and we feel less of a parent. None of us ever feel like we are enough. We do not know the correct boundaries, no one wrote us a book on the proper way to be a step parent.
I did another poll on Facebook my question this time was “If you could say one thing to your child’s bio mom or dad what would it be?”
Here where some of the responses:
*Don’t talk to the children about adult issues.. it causes them stress and anxiety.
*Don’t bad mouth the other parent.
* Why have you not been hit by a bus?
*Don't bad month my children. (Speaking about step parents own kids)
* Treat kids equally.
* Let me be involved.
* Communicate on how to discipline and communicate.
The comments are still rolling in as I type this. I decided a different approach then I was going to and wrote my own letter to my step daughters bio mom:
Dear Martha (bio-Mother) to my step- daughters,
Where do I start that’s always the hard part right! I guess first I want to tell you the daughters you brought into this world are kind, beautiful and intelligent. They are equally both you and Paul in every way and I LOVE THEM whole heartily.
I know when your birthed them you never imagined having to share these two little ladies with another woman in their life. Life looks totally different now then you ever imagined it would. I am not here in their life to replace you. I do feel they do benefit from me being in their life though. They have two women to watch out for them and guide them in the right direction to grow.
We might not always agree on what is right and wrong for them but surely working together instead of opposing each other in every way will show the girls how women can work together despite their differences. I don’t want to be your friend currently that does not change the fact that we could still work together.
Your girls are already amazing humans despite the ups and downs of parenting. No one in life is perfect I am not nor are you. I do ask this of you though. Please don’t expect me to be perfect. Do know as all parents do I will have parenting fails not just with my boys but with your girls and my step daughters as well. Life is a learning process no one person can be expected to be the perfect parent or person all the time.
Martha my husband Paul your ex husband is a wonderful man. Half of your girls are him. Every time you bad mouth him in front of the girls it hurts them as well. They are children not adults, they should never know mom and dad are fighting. Yes, I realize things slip sometimes. They come out of our months before we realize it. For the most part though it can be contained and not a discussion between mother and daughter about everything they do or don’t like about dads house. When you over quiz them when they come back to your house about everything they did at dads house it’s stressful.. they want to tell you all the negative because they think that’s what you want to hear. When they tell you positive things that they did or happened you get upset and mad. This makes them think you only want to hear about the bad. A simple “How was your day?” Would be much more effective instead of wanting to know every detail of every second they where away.
Calling or texting my husband 50+ times a day is a bit much. When he has the girls he can not truly enjoy their company because mom is calling constantly and interrupting his and their time with Their dad. A call after school and before bed is more then enough. If they need you or want to hear your voice more they will call you they have phones as well.
Please stop making the girls feel guilty about wanting to go to dads house or about possibly liking me their step mom! Would you like it if their dad did that to you? Keep life positive don’t dwell on
the past stuff. The girls love you, they love Paul and me as well. The more love the better. Interfering with love hurts everyone especially the girls.
Take this letter and think of it in a positive light. It took everything I have to write it positively it’s so easy to turn things negative quickly. This letter does not mean I want to sit down to coffee and talk this just means let’s work together instead of fighting each other to raise these special ladies.
Sincerely,
Tyger-Lynn Stone (step mom)
Stay tuned for my next blog post about my current favorite things in life.. lots of beauty favorites!
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